I’m finally reading the book that was written about me. Well, me and The Creep. I’m not quite bold enough to post a link or name names, so forgive the lack of specificity. Short version: back during The Crazy, The Creepy Cat and I completely ruined a planned convention (and a couple other events). I was young and inexperienced, he was that plus a pathological liar who just assumed things would work out. Also: crazy. Crazy didn’t help.
Anyway. So several people hold a grudge. A not entirely unjustified grudge, though going on 9 years after the events in question, some of the grudges are a bit…extreme.
The Chief Inquisitor in all this kept (and still maintains) a long, long blog documenting every sensational bit of gossip. I’ve read every page of that. Used to huddle up in an internet cafe in San Dimas (this was what led directly to me being the Princess. Fucker of a fairy godmother), reading each new post and trying not to vomit. Really, that more than anything kept me from actively pursuing a career in the film industry. Having someone essentially stalking me (she had, as she called them, “minions” among the Hollywood Boulevard characters) really bothered me, and I figured that anyone with that kind of salacious, baffling, and surreal life would not get far.
Chief Inquisitor also self-published a book about the whole thing. Back when she was doing her “press tour” (a handful of author signings at privately owned bookstores and a few Lord of the Rings conventions), she took the trouble to come hunt us down on Hollywood Boulevard.
She waved the book around and yelled and screamed and generally made a big noise, then went away. But between that and the online stalking, I’ve been terribly intimidated. I think I would have gotten out of that fucked up situation a lot sooner if she hadn’t been so vengeful. At first, I stood by The Creepy Cat because we were both falsely accused. I later realized both that he had been lying when he said he was innocent, and that I was lying to myself about how much I was guilty of. Later, it didn’t seem like I ever could leave, and even if I did the persecution would never stop.
Obviously, I did leave. It took a hell of a lot to get out, including getting stranded on the Canadian border and having my mother fly cross-country twice. It took a hell of a lot more raw, gut wrenching work to get free of it. Just like an addict; I had my moment of clarity, my family helped me get into rehab, and I worked very hard to get clean. The difference being that I don’t crave what I was addicted to. I am too repulsed. The reality I was escaping was not my enemy. The “normal” life that sounded so boring and claustrophobic started getting good…then great…then fucking awesome.
And now I’m writing again. I’ve been writing since I was about five and my mom got me a typewriter (fuck, I’m old). I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t. I’m finally getting serious about it as more than a hobby, and a huge part of that is this blog. I’ve got a schedule and if I want anyone to read this, I have to maintain a consistent level of quality. And if someday it does go somewhere, then all of this humiliating, awkward crap is going to be front and center.
I debated long and hard (heh) about talking about this part of my life at all. I know that as soon as the Chief Inquisitor hears of this (and eventually, she will), she will be all over me again. Not to mention that it’s pretty fucking embarassing. I went crazy Hollywood style. I ran away and joined the circus. I went off the rails on a crazy train.
I don’t really want to tell the entire world about the stupidest shit I ever did. But it’s out there, it’s a google search away, and if I don’t own it, it’s the boogieman in the shadows, waiting to get me. If I just tell it myself, well, it’s mine then. My stupid choices, my life lessons, my fuckups. Besides, they say all publicity is good publicity, right?
So here I am. Desperately wishing I could smoke a pack of clove cigarettes and pace for an hour. Instead, I’m drinking club soda and hoping I can finish this before Edward’s nap ends. It’s time to stop hiding and worrying. Time to give in and mock the everloving shit out of my most humiliating phase, just as I make fun of every other part of my life. I will no longer edit my history. I intend to tell the whole story over time…but for today, I think this as naked as I can get.
Chelsea Hawk said:
I really admire your openness and transparency about the whole thing. A day may come when the Chief Inquisitor finds this blog, but if she tries to create any drama about it in the usual places I think they will laugh at her and mock HER because look at you. look at how far you’ve come and who you are now versus who you were then.
I am so proud of you for writing about this and if I could I would give you endless hugs.
and a clove cigarette.
KumquatWriter said:
That means a lot to me, since you were there for some of the worst of it. ❤ You're a good friend.
sarah Cooper said:
Abbey, you were my first real friend when I moved to Lincoln City. My BEST friend the whole time I lived there, and someone I admired. When we lost touch, it broke my heart, but such is life. I searched the internet for you for years. When I found the articles, and the blog it shocked me and made me want to vomit. I couldn’t believe that my dear, geeky, virgin, friend who used to drive me to school while listening to Ace Of Base did those horrible things and hurt so many people. I questioned myself…could my beloved Abbey really ever do such horrid things ON PURPOSE? It DID cast doubt…but nevertheless I persued trying to find you and get back in contact somehow. Then FACEBOOK happened!! And shortly after, I got to see you again. As soon as we hugged, I knew you were/are/ever will be the same Abbey I ever knew and not the horrible person portrayed in the articles and blogs. I am sorry that bad things happened to ppl, I am sorry you got involved in whatever way you did. But….ANYONE WHO THINKS MY ABBEY IS A BAD PERSON CAN GET FUCKED IN THE ASS WITH AN ELEPHANT’S COCK WITH NO LUBE!! I don’t care what your past has held. We ALL have pasts, yours just made the papers..who cares. we live and learn, and have beautiful marriages and baby boys and life goes on…right? I love you Mrs. Abigail Willson, mother of Edward Willson, and loving wife of Chip Willson (both very lucky men to have you in their lives)
KumquatWriter said:
I am so touched ❤ Love you too
QR said:
Abbey, I’ve followed the whole saga through the blog posts and the book, etc. Actually, you and I met very briefly at the same fan convention where you and CTC met. Anyway, I am really, really happy for you: out of the crazy, in a healthy relationship, with a baby you love, and smoke-free. I admit that I came to this blog kind of skeptical, but your post about quitting smoking clinched it; I know what kicking an addiction is like, and a person who can do that is definitely on the right path. Good for you!
KumquatWriter said:
Wow, thank you. I’m not sure which convention you mean, though, because I didn’t meet him at a convention. He flew out to Oregon after we met online, and the only conventions we attended after that were Bit of Earth. In any case, I appreciate the comment.
QR said:
Really? I thought you two met at Connexions. Anyway, I saw him (then her) there – he made quite a splash.
KumquatWriter said:
Oh, no. He met Versaphile at that convention, not me. I was the girlfriend after that. 🙂 Hard to keep track of who’s who in the soaps.
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