Let me start by saying I am not currently involved in any of the Secular Homeschooling groups online, nor did I ever meet the person going by the name of Mike Feigen. But as the story has unfolded in one of the Atheist groups I am in, I can’t help but recognize the pattern. And, surprise surprise, I have some opinions on the matter. But then, my regular readers already know that I have extensive experience in the area of Munchausen by Internet.
We’ll need a good working definition of this disorder. Wikipedia has a nice, concise one that I’ll borrow, including their original sources:
Münchausen by Internet is a pattern of behavior in which Internet users seek attention by feigning illnesses in online venues such as chat rooms, message boards, and Internet Relay Chat (IRC). It has been described in medical literature as a manifestation of factitious disorder or factitious disorder by proxy.[1] Reports of users who deceive Internet forum participants by portraying themselves as gravely ill or as victims of violence first appeared in the 1990s due to the relative newness of Internet communications. The pattern was identified in 1998 by psychiatrist Marc Feldman, who created the term “Münchausen by Internet” in 2000. It is not included in the fourth revision of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR).
That sounds a lot more benign than what it actually is. Which is someone sucking the emotional life out of others through their monitors. These people prop up their stories with research from WebMD and Google University, often bringing in multiple characters – or sockpuppets, as people call them in less-medical-more-fandom circles. In any case, the ones that get somewhere are all the same. They’re incredible, wonderful, inspiring, charismatic people, who are bravely facing whatever tragic condition, living situation, disease or drama (eventually, a string of them). Sometimes they have a horrific past that they are overcoming. Some are the brave parents of a dying child. Some are dying themselves, of some tragic, drawn out illness.
Most of them end up having shocking, sudden, or especially poignant deaths. Usually announced by someone close to the alleged deceased: A sister, a friend, etc. Occasionally there will be a miraculous recovery – but invariably there will soon be even more peril. A relapse. An accident. A “secondary” condition. It will never end; even when they “die” they will either pick up with the “friend” as the lead character, or they will just move on to the next disorder.
If found out (and they usually are, especially in the wake of a death that can’t be proven) they generally delete everything they can. These days, lots of people automatically screencap a site when they realize it’s probably a hoax. Sometimes the phony will try to spin it to their advantage; usually they just vanish until, again, they show up someplace else.
Honestly, it’s stunning how common this is. Granted, I full on drank the kool-aid and crossed into Real World Crazy, but almost everything Andy* did (and does) online has fallen under Munchausen By Internet. From pretending to have been a child prostitute to the eye infection to being on the run from the IRA to the various rare physical maladies, most recently the heart defect that has miraculously healed. Furthermore, there are elements of it in the characters he created to “bring” through the Mindhole/Hellmouth. They too had the dramatic backstories, diseases, miraculous healings, horrific tragedies, etc. ad nauseam.
But this isn’t about Andy, or Janna St. James, or April Rose, or Kaycee Nicole. This is about Mike Feigen. I only started hearing about him as the hoax is uncovered, but it’s the same story. From Just Enough And Nothing More:
Mike Feigen claimed to homeschool three boys, two of which were his twin sons with cystic fibrosis, as well as a nephew who also had CF. He had said his wife died in
20042003 of CF as well, and he at that point stopped working in order to be a full time dad.
January 11th, Mike and all three of the boys were reportedly killed by a drunk driver. The announcement came from his mother-in-law on his Facebook within hours of the alleged deaths. Within days people were asking questions, and of course all the relevant Facebook accounts and webpages vanished. So far, there are some “persons of interest” (to the internet, not real law enforcement, which is usually the case) but research is ongoing. I cannot improve on the research from Just Enough And Nothing More as linked above, if you want a full recap from someone who was there.
Once you’ve fallen for one of these liars your guard is up and they’re easy to spot, and the above two paragraphs fit the profile very well. The behavior of these people is consistent enough that Dr. Marc Feldman has described seven “clues to detection of false claims” (as presented here) based on case studies.
- The posts consistently duplicate material in other posts, in books, or on health-related websites;
- The characteristics of the supposed illness emerge as caricatures;
- Near-fatal bouts of illness alternate with miraculous recoveries;
- Claims are fantastic, contradicted by subsequent posts, or flatly disproved;
- There are continual dramatic events in the person’s life, especially when other group members have become the focus of attention;
- There is feigned blitheness about crises (e.g., going into septic shock) that will predictably attract immediate attention;
- Others apparently posting on behalf of the individual (e.g., family members, friends) have identical patterns of writing.
Looking at the wake of this (given that many of the original posts have, of course, already been deleted), it’s a lot easier to spot. Wealthy family, tragically widowed, twin sons, BOTH with Cystic Fybrosis? Oh, and a nephew too? AND he’s a stay at home dad who homeschools? It just doesn’t sound right, does it? Especially when all traces of all of Mike, his sons, his mother-in-law, etc. were limited to a few webpages, and no deaths matching the description given can be found. The death of three special needs children and a widower would almost certainly reach the mainstream media. That’s why Munchausen By Internet works – we all love a good story, even when it has a tragic ending. It must be heady attention indeed for the people who spin these stories, given that pseuecide is not as easy as it sounds anymore. Not when 4chan can end up personally harassing people.
So what can we take from all this? This kind of behavior isn’t going to stop anytime soon, so it seems the only defense is skepticism over fantastical claims. Which I endorse in all cases, of course. These people want attention above all things, so indifference is the only thing that sends them away. We should of course be compassionate and supportive of others in need, especially when we’re in a support group. The majority of people, online and off, are generally telling something close to the truth most of the time, and most honest people aren’t unreasonable when asked for some kind of confirmation of their story. Perhaps it’s good to keep in mind that, just as if something seems too good to be true, if it seems to bad to be true, it might not be. Or maybe we should take a note from The Simpsons: when it’s becoming a garish display, just don’t look.
*Note: if you’re new here, you might want to check out the FAQ.
Chelsea Hawk said:
Oh man. You know I love shit like this.
It makes me want to set a team of internet detectives onto my own personal story of being taken in by somebody that I’m fairly certain was a Munchausen’s by Internet case.
Hmmm….
grannieof2 said:
Every time I read one of these stories and think, okay, THAT’S the weirdest/sickest/most outrageous con I’ve ever heard of — something like this comes along. People are the damnedest things; you never can tell what they’ll do next, and you’ll never get bored trying to guess just how whacked they can be.
KumquatWriter said:
As I’ve said before: The crazy train has no caboose. Only more crazy.
grannieof2 said:
Ugh.
Dr. Marc Feldman said:
Great job. Thanks for heightening the attention to hthis phenomenon.
KumquatWriter said:
Thank you for giving it a name and researching it, Dr. Feldman. I am very grateful for your comment!
Maven said:
Some twenty years ago, I was on the fringes of a very early Internet hoax, involving, supposedly, an ex-military man, a malicious ex-wife, a current girlfriend whom the ex-wife wanted to hurt, and various friends and associates. The ex-wife posted a tearjerking account of how her former husband had been killed by a drunk driver on Thanksgiving, causing outpourings of grief and condolences all round. But a week or so later we found out that it wasn’t true and she had taken advantage of his unexplained and rather mysterious absence to spring a trap. We gradually also heard about the involved efforts to track the man down and tell him what had been going on behind his back. Everything settled down, as far as I knew (or know), and I lost access to that particular mega-board not too long afterward. But after reading about all the Crazy Trains, I wonder now: was any of it ever true at all? Or was it some joker and a bunch of sock puppets?
I’ll probably never know.
KumquatWriter said:
It’s always easier to spot in retrospect, but I’d say that one was under this umbrella just based om that paragraph. Its the big splashy drama – which then vanishes, usually with additional drama and lots of hurt feelings in the wake. It’s such a hurtful phenomena.
grannieof2 said:
I guess I need to read more of Dr. Feldman’s work — I’d love to know some of the psychological issues present in people who do these things. I know that the ones I’ve known who’ve pulled this sort of thing seem to have a lot of things in common. I don’t mean their actions; I mean their emotional states, the way they act and treat people, their life circumstances, etc. Fascinating, in a ” ’tis loathesome, yet I can’t look away” sort of context. 😀
JP said:
You want another good case to examine? Follow this link, you & Dr. Feldman could provide some interesting commentary about this woman. The link takes you to a medical timeline, the rest you need to read the sidebar for LOTS more information that is factual and documented.
http://mwopblog.com/medical-timeline/
KumquatWriter said:
Hi there. I’m always interested in other cases; it is hard to get people to understand this phenomenon until they wind up getting taken in by one. I am very flattered that you put me next to Dr. Feldman as a resource. I’m not a psychologist or a psychiatrist; I do have a B.A. in psychology with an emphasis in gender studies and I try to keep up with current research, but I am no expert. I will take a look at the link you provided and think on it, probably will give it it’s own post if I have something to say (I usually do). Might take a day or two; today was my birthday party (35! Woo hoo!) and I’m in not condition to research at the moment. 🙂
Oh, and I don’t homeschool; my son is only 1. I just heard about it in a parenting group I’m in. I have no opinion on homeschooling at this time, because generally I’m very live-and-let-live. 🙂
JP said:
Well Happy Birthday, and thank you for replying. I think you will find this woman extremely interesting. She is a top notch emotional scammer, so many lies and inconsistencies. The blog I linked you to has tons of info to sift through. I would suggest looking at the sidebar and click on the link for “In the beginning” or “How we got here”. The women that participate there are excellent on calling her out on lies, scams, inconsistencies. I was duped by Mike Feigen (through Caringbridge, he used to follow my son, and I followed his fake family until there was a falling out between him and a good friend, then he pissed me off, though I still cared for and wished his fake twins well) which led me to the Justenough blog, and then yours. I found this post to be fascinating, and while I was reading because I was taken by “Mike” the lady I am referring to kept coming to mind. I believe she fits the Munchausen by Proxy and by Internet criteria to a T, and also suffers from factitious disorder. She is the queen of wordsmithing, deleting, and a spin master. People fascinate me, and my eyes are just beginning to open about how much of this happens on the Internet. Thanks again for your reply and input!
grannieof2 said:
I read through a bunch of the info JP linked to, and I was struck by the huge similarities between this woman and the stories you’ve told about Andy. The obvious intelligence; the verbal facility (even in written form, she’s very glib); the quick explanations for every inconsistency; the turning things around on the doubter; etc., etc. There sure seem to be a LOT of common characteristics. I’m so appreciative of you and JP and others who are speaking out about these people. The more you know, indeed.
grannieof2 said:
(PS: Happy birthday! Betcha never thought you’d make it to this ripe old age…)
Dawn Lee Misener (@TwixStixMix) said:
Wow. Thank you for posting about this. I have, unfortunately, first hand experience with MBI…and I am still bothered to this day by it, embarassed that I was so conned and taken in. Mind you, my abuser was good, very, very good, and fooled a number of people. None so well as me, however. If you are interested, you can read my story here, I am “Dawn Mitchell” in this article: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/feb/26/faking-illness-online-munchausen
I spoke about it to the author, in spite of my shame, so that others may have a chance to be forewarned and be alerted to this type person. Mine was incredibly clever, and a master manipulator…beware! Even webcams can lie if the user is an accomplished actress.
In some respects, I feel a little better to know that I am not the “only one” but by the same token, I am sorry anyone else had to go through a similar ordeal, one that I can only compare to emotional rape. The more deeply you feel, the easier it is it seems to be conned and manipulated.
Miss Verity said:
Have you seen this? http://warriorelihoax.wordpress.com/
It’s a blog tracking an extremely complex case of MBI. The birthday card from the imaginary children reminded me of one of your posts. Chilling, to think of someone else doing that.
Puck F. said:
Hi Abby. I’d like to know if you think this story is real or fake. It’s on the “datalounge’ site and the thread title is “Anyone here have to have serious surgery and is totally alone in the world?”
http://tinyurl.com/9kd3vzr
It strikes me that “Robin” writes very long, cohesive posts both before and after (a delayed) surgery for someone with a brain tumor who’s suffering from severe headaches. As with Jesse James (shyness and mistrust issues) he says he’s a loner but had no trouble reaching out and engaging at Datalounge. Not to mention he’s considering accepting kind offers to assist him with rent and utilities. People did offer to go to the hospital and support him but no one has met him yet. It’s been close to a few months already.
Sock puppets are hard to detect in this case as many people are Anonymous.
It’s a defensive group but maybe you and/or some other knowledgeable poster — who would carry more weight than a person who only knows about Janna St. James like me– can determine it one way or the other and direct people to this site and the best info. Thanks.
JP said:
Puck, PLEASE visit this site: http://warriorelihoax.wordpress.com/ , email the story to the blog author Taryn. She has this blog dedicated to finding the fakers, and she and her team are good!! SUPER slueths. They’ve uncovered 5 or 6 hoaxes so far and haven’t been around but a few months. They ESPECIALLY hone in on people faking cancer. I guarantee you she and her team could help and uncover lots of stuff. Usually if you feel like something is off, it is. I will mention it to her too. They have a facebook page also. Good Luck. Scammers are low lifes!!
KumquatWriter said:
This is so awesome! I never got around to replying – dunno if you’ll see it. But still!!!
dalilonna said:
I just found this searching Mike Feigen after reading an article on the death of Amanda (trappedatmydesk). Reading that article brought up a lot of weird stressful feelings as I remembered being fooled by this homeschool guy on FB.
I was friended by “Mike” as a homeschooling atheist mom from some thread I commented on. I followed his account to the end and spent days looking for some evidence of the deaths. Although it felt fake at the same time I was emotionally wrung out about it, I was still fascinated to know more about the kind of person who would do this.
I can’t begin to tell you how relieved and angered I felt by finding your post. The internet is a weird place sometimes. The one lesson that I did take from the whole experience was significantly reducing my friend list on FB.
Thank you for writing this.
Pingback: Christy Collins Rewrites History | Out of Context